Building Valuable Self-Worth
By Scott Allan
Do you consider yourself to be a person of measurable good worth or, do you see yourself as flawed somehow with a negative image? Is it easy for you to be alone, or do you feel the need to be surrounded by continuous distractions so you can forget about who you are? Do you feel comfortable with who you are, or do you envy others for who they are? Do you have high standards based on your beliefs that you are a person of intrinsic value or, are your standards low based on the belief that you are worthless and so any set of standards will do?
Regardless of the imperfections or character defects the rest of the world judges you on, you have to adopt the core belief that you are a good person. You are doing the best you can and that you refuse to let others decide what your real value is. It is not for them to decide. But it doesn’t matter what I think, or anyone else for that matter. The only thing that truly matters, and, ultimately, that you have any control over, is how you feel about you. Your opinion of yourself is the highest compliment you can give. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you can invest in. If you feel good about yourself, you will develop deeper feelings of compassion, trust and empathy towards others as well.
“A person’s worth in this world is estimated according to the value they put on themselves.”
The value that you place on yourself is far greater than the value anyone else could ever offer you. It is solely your responsibility to make yourself feel good about who you are. Nobody—not friends, family, lovers or employers—can ever take that away. The value you place on your own life is the only value that really matters. Nobody has the right to decide this for you. You are worth as much as you believe yourself to be. If you think you’re a person of great worth inside, than you are; if you think you are worth nothing, you will be nothing according to your own evaluation.
A deficiency in self-worth is traced to a lack of self-love caused by a deep form of personal rejection. People whose thoughts, feelings and beliefs are focused around their deficiencies in character, or lack of achievements, are carrying heavy emotional burdens that weigh down self-confidence. By harvesting negative and misguided beliefs about who they are and what they can do—believing they are useless, unlovable, and worthless—they have internalized the beliefs and emotions that support a negative existence.
Years of criticism, put downs, not measuring up, and listening to false negative messages have left many people deeply wounded and scarred. For some, these scars run deep. You may have learned to cope with your own internal pain through certain defence mechanisms that have worked for many years, but gradually those defences turned against you. Through healing the personal wounds that have cut deep, you can mend the shattered pieces of self-esteem. You can finally start to feel good about who you are.
Building a Relationship with Yourself
We spend a lot of energy and time investing in our relationships with people, both at home and at work. While these investments are sound and necessary, the one relationship that is neglected the most is the relationship with self. It is a fact that most people spend more time watching TV or surfing the net than they do focusing on personal character development that could lead to higher levels of success. Instead of internalizing the habits contributing to never-ending and constant improvement, many have fallen into the pattern of focusing on re-runs of a past life. This creates more of the same stuff you’ve been settling for all your life. If you desire to boost your level of self-worth then, as with any sound investment, you have to make regular contributions into it in order to get a good return.
Simply put, you can only change something when you seek to change it from a higher level of wisdom and knowledge than you had before. If you are still thinking and believing the same things you did yesterday, today will be no different. And tomorrow will be no different than today. If you want to know who you are, you have to decide who you want to be. Instead of settling for the image you have built, focus on the new image you want to become.
Strengthen the bond with the person you see in the mirror of your mind every day. Lead yourself to discover the best of who you are; cast aside the false images that have deceived you up until now. Get comfortable with who you are and take the time to heal the wounds of your past and present talk to people you trust about the issues that have been plaguing you. Confide in someone to get advice, or seek counseling if necessary. In today’s society there is a solution for every situation; you are not alone, and you don’t have to face your demons by yourself.
Building the relationship with yourself is the first step to having good relations with the rest of the world. People are drawn to the person who radiates a positive mental attitude and a healthy spirit. You’ll find yourself surrounded by more friendships than you ever dreamed possible once the changes you have always wanted begin to have positive results.
“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances.”
Your choice of words, your thoughts, your actions and beliefs all contribute towards elevating your sense of worth and the personal image you have of yourself. If you are positive and self-loving, it is hard for negative emotions to tear you down. When you feel good about who you are, and if your beliefs are supported with encouraging thoughts rather than haranguing words of cruelty, you maintain a positive self-image. This is the reason why creating those beliefs is so critical to building a new life. The beliefs you are holding onto are the steps to your own kingdom of glory; these beliefs are the stepping stones that lead you to healing.
Take a look deep within yourself and question the limiting beliefs that are holding you hostage. You can raise your self-esteem in a matter of minutes through questioning the authority of those thoughts that have negatively been binding you to a life of misery and shame. When you are proud of who you are and what you stand for, the world is attracted to your source of energy. You transform the world around you through transforming yourself from within. It really is an inside job and only you can do it. You are responsible for your own source of happiness. Another cannot give it to you unless you give it to yourself first.
There aren’t any Quick-fix Solutions
In today’s society, the latest global epidemic focuses on the get-rich-get-better-avoid waiting schemes that are rampant in the messages perceived every day—medicine that is fast acting, schemes to get you rich quickly, seminars and TV shows that instantly transform you from nothing to somebody in just a couple of days, or a pill that takes away all your problems and promises to make everything right.
Many of these advertisements target people who suffer from esteem problems and are desperate to get better; they have the desire to improve, to win, and to climb over the obstacles in life but, unlike the false messages that manipulate reality, it is only going to happen through real through hard work and determination.
In spite of the technological wonders that are sweeping the globe and making everything faster—the way we eat, communicate, and consume—the one thing that hasn’t changed is this: If you really want to evolve, to change, to grow, there aren’t any quick fix schemes regardless of what anybody promises you. Furthermore, only you can make those changes by buckling down and getting serious about who you want to be. You are responsible for raising your life’s intrinsic value, not a pill or an instant course that promises complete transformation.
I encourage you to find the people you trust; a friend, a mentor, or a role-model. Share your thoughts and feelings with them over coffee. Tell them what has been holding you back and ask for their advice on how to raise your personal worth. You see, you are already worthy of having anything in this life that you want, you just have to believe in it!
Trust who you are and work to change the things you don’t like. Take a good look at the areas of your life that need the most improvement and adopt the necessary values to make those changes. Love what you stand for and feel good about what you’re doing with your life, even if you’re not sure yet what that is.
Feeling good about yourself doesn’t have to be complicated or even take up much of your time. Like anything, the ability to change something lies in the habit of daily practice. Here are some suggestions you can implement from today to start you on that path towards feeling good and developing a deep caring for who you are.
Make a decision to change one thing
It takes approximately 30 days to change a habit. Make a short list of 3-5 things you would like to change. This can be a habit or an obstacle that you are facing. From that short list, choose one. Now, map out a list of daily actions you can perform to start working on the changes. On a wall calendar, mark an X for each day that you take an actionable step towards this goal. Do this for 30 days and then evaluate how you feel, the progress you have made, and decide if you are going to continue working on this.
Help someone else
You want to feel good about yourself? Help someone else feel good about who they are. Or, just help someone with something they are struggling with. Mentoring is a great way to become involved with other people. You can do this with people close to you or, get involved in an organization online
Take responsibility for your situation
Responsibility is when you have finally accepted that nobody is coming to your rescue. You are responsible for the situation you are currently in. When it comes to self-esteem or confidence issues, you are responsible for how you choose to feel. You are responsible for and, you create your thoughts about yourself and how you react to others. You are responsible for your own happiness and nobody else is responsible for giving it to you. Make it your mission to take the initiative. Don’t expect someone else to be there to pick you up; when you fall, get up and move on.
Stop Focusing on Only Your Defects
It’s easy to focus on your failures. Many people experience depression because they are fixated on the defects they carry; they have forgotten about the good stuff or fail to see it because they are blinded by the “defective” self. Remember: You are not your defects. You are you. Be yourself at all times. It is okay to focus on your weak spots to remove them, but try not to obsess too much. Focus on the one good thing about yourself you really like, and make it the most important ideal for this day.